Chamblee Job Ad

Lee, Richard sent me this, and it's kinda hilarious. A job ad he found on Craig's List:

(more inside)

Check out this ad form craigslist for a clean-up person in Chamblee, i want to work for a guy this honest:
WHAT I NEED:SMALL USED CAR DEALER SEEKS A NO BS TYPE OF PERSON WHO WANTS TO WORK, NOT LOITER. TO ORGANIZE AUTOMOBILE INVENTORY, AND KEEP IT CLEAN AND NEAT AND RUNNING.OTHER DUTIES WILL INCLUDE ERRAND/PARTS RUNNING AND MINOR MECHANICAL SERVICE(I.E. CAN YOU JUMP START A CAR OR CHANGE A BATTERY WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF OR SOMEONE HOLDING YOUR HAND?).YOU MUST SHOW UP FOR WORK ON TIME.YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO WORK.YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO WORK WITHOUT A CELL PHONE GRAFTED TO YOUR EAR LOBE.YOU MUST HAVE ENOUGH COMMON SENSE TO KNOW WHAT YOUR LIMITATIONS ARE AND NOT MESS SOMETHING UP BECAUSE YOU CANT SAY "I DONT KNOW".YOU MUST BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR ASS IN THE DARK (BOTH CHEEKS) UNASSISTED BY MECHANICAL OR OTHER MEANS.(THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT QUALIFICATION) YOU MUST BE ABLE TO HANDLE EXPOSURE TO A FAT LAZY BELIGERANT YANKEE REDNECK(YES WE HAVE REDNECKS IN THE NORTH TOO!) BOSS WHO EXPECTS YOU TO READ HIS MIND AND JUMP AT EVERY THOUGHT THAT HE HAS. (THIS COULD BE A BIGGER QUALIFICATION THAN THE'ASS' THING) OTHER THAN THAT THIS JOB IS CAKE!!I COULD DO IT I JUST DONT WANT TO ANY MORE!I WANT YOU TO DO THIS STUFF!

WHAT I OFFER:CASH IN HAND PAID WEEKLY, SOMETIMES MORE OFTEN IF YOU GIVE ME THAT 'SHIT I AINT GOT NO MONEY FOR THE BUS TONITE, MY GIRLFRIEND IS TIRED OF PAYING FOR THE PROPHYLACTICS,MY GRANDMA JUST HAD CATARACT SURGERY AN I HAVE TO FEED HER CAT' LINE OF CRAP AND I FIND IT ENTERTAINING ENOUGH TO REWARD YOU FOR YOUR CREATIVITY AND DARING.

PAID LUNCH A COUPLE OF TIMES A WEEK IF YOU CAN HANDLE EATING THE KIND A CRAP THAT GOT ME FAT AND LAZY AND NASTY IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT NOT EVERY DAY, BRING A GODDAM SANWICH NOW AND THEN YOU FREELOADER.
THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAYBE LEARN SOMETHING AND TAKE PRIDE IN EARNING A PAYCHECK, AND NOT JUST SPONGING OFF SOCIETY OR YOUR MOM.

THIS AND SO MUCH MORE CAN BE YOURS IF YOU CALL NOW.!!!!!NOTE:IF YOU STEAL MY STUFF, I WONT CALL THE COPS. I'LL PROBABLY SIT ON YOU, THIS COULD HURT, MAYBE KILL IF YOU ARE THE KIND A WIMP THAT I THINK YOU ARE.

IF YOU THINK THIS IS UP YOUR ALLEY, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.
I MEAN, NOT SITTING HERE WITH THE PHONE IN MY HAND, BUT, I MIGHT ANSWER IT IF IT RINGS. NOT THE FIRST RING, I'M NOT THAT FAST ANY MORE, BUT MAYBE BY THE FOURTH OR FIFTH. IF I DONT MAKE BY THEN, LEAVE A VOICE MAIL MESSAGE! IF YOU CAN PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME LEGIBLY AN ARE ABLE TO REPEAT YOUR PHONE NUMBER SLOW ENOUGH FOR ME TO WRITE IT DOWN, I'LL RESPOND TO YOU, AFTER LUNCH, WHEN I GET AROUND TO IT, MAYBE.CALL 678-516-4512.

HEY, YOU, THANKS.